THE COUNTY ASSIZES

A man's first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his ownheart; his next, to escape the censures of the world. If thelast interferes with the former, it ought to be entirelyneglected; but otherwise there cannot be a greater satisfactionto an honest mind, than to see those approbations which it givesitself seconded by the applauses of the publick: a man is moresure of his conduct, when the verdict which he passes upon hisown behaviour is thus warranted and confirmed by the opinion ofall that know him.

My worthy friend Sir Roger is one of those who is not only atpeace within himself, but beloved and esteemed by all about him.He receives a suitable tribute for his universal benevolence tomankind, in the returns of affection and good-will, which arepaid him by every one that lives within his neighbourhood. Ilately met with two or three odd instances of that generalrespect which is shewn to the good old Knight. He would needscarry Will Wimble and myself with him to the county-assizes. Aswe were upon the road, Will Wimble join'd a couple of plain menwho rid before us, and conversed with them for some time; duringwhich my friend Sir Roger acquainted me with their characters.

The first of them, says he, that has a spaniel by his side, is ayeoman of about an hundred pounds a year, an honest man: he isjust within the game-act, and qualified to kill an hare or apheasant. He knocks down a dinner with his gun twice or thrice aweek; and by that means lives much cheaper than those who havenot so good an estate as himself. He would be a good neighbourif he did not destroy so many partridges. In short, he is a verysensible man; shoots flying; and has been several times foremanof the petty-jury.

The other that rides along with him is Tom Touchy, a fellowfamous for TAKING THE LAW of every body. There is not one in thetown where he lives that he has not sued at a quarter sessions.The rogue had once the impudence to go to law with the Widow.His head is full of costs, damages, and ejectments: He plagued acouple of honest gentlemen so long for a trespass in breaking oneof his hedges, till he was forced to sell the ground it enclosedto defray the charges of the prosecution. His father left himfourscore pounds a year; but he has CAST and been cast so often,that he is not now worth thirty. I suppose he is going upon theold business of the willow-tree.

As Sir Roger was giving me this account of Tom Touchy, WillWimble and his two companions stopped short till we came up tothem. After having paid their respects to Sir Roger, Will toldhim that Mr. Touchy and he must appeal to him upon a dispute thatarose between them. Will it seems, had been giving his fellow-traveller an account of his angling one day in such a hole; whenTom Touchy, instead of hearing out his story, told him that Mr.Such-a-one, if he pleased, might take the law of him for fishingin that part of the river. My friend Sir Roger heard them both,upon a round trot; and after having paused some time told them,with the air of a man who would not give his judgment rashly,that much might be said on both sides. They were neither of themdissatisfied with the Knight's determination, because neither ofthem found himself in the wrong by it. Upon which we made thebest of our way to the assizes.

The court was sat before Sir Roger came; but notwithstanding allthe justices had taken their places upon the bench, they maderoom for the old Knight at the head of them; who for hisreputation in the country took occasion to whisper in the judge'sear, that he was glad his lordship had met with so much goodweather in his circuit. I was listening to the proceeding of thecourt with much attention, and infinitely pleased with that greatappearance and solemnity which so properly accompanies such apublick administration of our laws; when, after about an hour'ssitting, I observed to my great surprise, in the midst of atrial, that my friend Sir Roger was getting up to speak. I wasin some pain for him, till I found he had acquitted himself oftwo or three sentences with a look of much business and greatintrepidity.

Upon his first rising the court was hushed, and a general whisperran among the country people that Sir Roger was UP. The speechhe made was so little to the purpose, that I shall not trouble myreaders with an account of it; and I believe was not so muchdesigned by the Knight himself to inform the court, as to givehim a figure in my eye, and keep up his credit in the country.
I was highly delighted, when the court rose, to see the gentlemenof the country gathering about my old friend, and striving whoshould compliment him most; at the same time that the ordinarypeople gazed upon him at a distance, not a little admiring hiscourage, that was not afraid to speak to the judge.

In our return home we met with a very odd accident; which Icannot forbear relating, because it shews how desirous all whoknow Sir Roger are of giving him marks of their esteem. When wewere arrived upon the verge of his estate, we stopped at a littleinn to rest ourselves and our horses. The man of the house hadit seems been formerly a servant in the Knight's family; and todo honour to his old master, had some time since, unknown to SirRoger, put him up in a sign-post before the door; so that THEKNIGHT'S HEAD had hung out upon the road about a week before hehimself knew any thing of the matter. As soon as Sir Roger wasacquainted with it, finding that his servant's indiscretionproceeded wholly from affection and good-will, he only told himthat he had made him too high a compliment; and when the fellowseemed to think that could hardly be, added with a more decisivelook, that it was too great an honour for any man under a duke;but told him at the same time, that it might be altered with avery few touches, and that he himself would be at the charge ofit. Accordingly, they got a painter by the Knight's directionsto add a pair of whiskers to the face, and by a littleaggravation of the features to change it into the SARACEN'S HEAD.I should not have known this story had not the inn-keeper, uponSir Roger's alighting, told him in my hearing, that his honour'shead was brought back last night with the alterations that he hadordered to be made in it. Upon this my friend, with his usualchearfulness, related the particulars above-mentioned, andordered the head to be brought into the room. I could notforbear discovering greater expressions of mirth than ordinaryupon the appearance of this monstrous face, under which,notwithstanding it was made to frown and stare in a mostextraordinary manner, I could still discover a distantresemblance of my old friend. Sir Roger, upon seeing me laugh,desired me to tell him truly if I thought it possible for peopleto know him in that disguise. I at first kept my usual silence;but upon the Knight's conjuring me to tell him whether it was notstill more like himself than a Saracen, I composed my countenancein the best manner I could, and replied, that much might be saidon both sides.

These several adventures, with the Knight's behaviour in them,gave me as pleasant a day as ever I met with in any of my travels.